So last night I talked to one of my bestest friends ever… Wow, I haven’t seen her since 97, when I left D.C. to move to AZ. Earlier in the day I was on Facebook, and what do ya know, she is on there… She has two lil girls now, and sounds like she is doing really well. I remember when we were younger she had a baby sister who would go practically everywhere with us. I don’t wanna say her Mom was on drugs, I really never knew what the issue was, and all I know is that K raised that baby sister of hers like she was her own. K had to grow up pretty fast. Man, I am sitting here reminiscing because we did some crazy things back in the day… nothing “Illegal”, just things that a lot of people wouldn’t necessarily approve of. I haven’t smiled in a long time, but when I finally called her and heard her voice, I was cheesing. We were so tight; no one could mess with us. She asked about my Grams and my Mom… I let her know that Moms had passed back in 99, and Grams is currently in a home, because she has dementia pretty bad. She said “Oh, so the rumors are true?” I guess she was talking about my Mom’s death. I left D.C. in 97 and have ONLY been back once for my Mom’s memorial in 99. I didn’t think that anyone knew about the tragedy, but, I guess I was wrong. I love this girl like she is my blood sister, and I’m glad she has two girls of her own now, because she will be a great Mom. Here’s a shout out to my girl K “SPG 4 Life”
“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be”
So is it wrong to wanna ignore my husband? Things haven’t been so great since I left 7 months ago, and they have slowly deteriorated. I had to leave him back home for a year because of my job, I have about 17 weeks until I get home, and shit just doesn’t seem to want to work between us. I mean, yes, I argue, I complain, but hello, I’m human… If I don’t like something, I’m not the type to bite my tongue. I feel like my husband has replaced me, and he swears up and down that he hasn’t. He has many female friends (I don’t know ANY of them), but one in particular that he is in constant contact with… Sounds a lil suspect dontcha think? He swears it’s all innocent, but I have been down this road before, and if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then it’s probably a fuckin duck… (excuse my French)… anyway, the other day we got into it once again, I can’t remember why, but we got on the subject of this particular chick… and he tells me that he has been keeping his distance, and that he doesn’t talk to her very much anymore… so why is it that I check the phone bill online (I never said I wasn’t nosey), and since 11am yesterday until 11pm they were texting back and forth.. No it’s nothing new, but damn, why would he tell me yet another lie? I have to admit being so far away makes my mind wonder, and women, we all know men will be men… But if you’re gonna lie, tell one, that you know I won’t be able to prove… He knows I check the phone bill… What a dummy… So, he hits me up on IM last night, and I am very short with him, I’m sure he got the picture that I didn’t really want to be bothered, and I really don’t care. I know it’s almost Christmas, and many of you are probably thinking I should be nice for the Holidays, but this is me… Love me or leave me alone… You know that movie that just came out… “I Can do Bad All By Myself”… Well, I can.
“I love my family because when no one else is in my corner I know they will be, I love my friends because they always know exactly what to say to me, I love my haters because they give my motivation to try a lil bit harder, With their help i can take it one step farther ;)” Thanks Brit
So, Like I said earlier, my Mom passed away in 99, well she must have been on my mind last night when I fell asleep, because for some reason, in my dream, I was scrambling to find her the perfect Christmas present, and I couldn’t understand how in the world I could have possibly forgot about her when I was making sure I finished up all my shopping. Hmmm, well, Mom’s birthday will be the 30th of this month, maybe that’s another reason I have been thinking about her. We didn’t get along that well when she was still here, mostly because we were so much different. I think she had me when she was 32, and wow, what a difference that made. She was pretty strict, never cursed, even the words “God” & Hell” were forbidden in my house growing up. Now I can’t have a normal convo without slipping up and saying a bad word…Sorry Mom. But, we never saw eye to eye, I love my Mom so much, I just wish when it came time to teach me how to be a woman, she would have been available, we never had those talks. I didn’t even know what a menstruation was before I got mine, and even then my Grams had to explain that to me… I was an inner city kid, living with my small town Grams & Mom, and they could not understand why I was rebelling, or had a certain accent, or did what I did, but, I was a product of my environment, not the environment at home, in the house, but in my neighborhood where I learned to be strong, stand up for myself, and gain acceptance. There are many things that I did when I was younger that I’m not proud of, but those were my mistakes, and if I wouldn’t have made them, I wouldn’t have learned from them. All & All my mom did the best she could, Love ya Mommy. D.D.C., 12/30/1944 – 03/04/1999, US Air Force
So today I will be going to take pictures with Santa, yes, I know its Cheesy, but I don’t care… I like to have fun, and damnit, I wanna talk to Santa… I’ve been really good, and for some reason, I have gone unrecognized long enough. I want a puppy. I know I can’t have one where I am currently, but, I had to get rid of my two Beautiful baby’s while I was out here working, because the STUPID BSL law that they passed. I had two Pit Bulls, but not your ordinary mean, aggressive, foaming at the mouth monsters…. My girls were like kittens. They were spoiled to death, and I loved them just the way they were. I miss them very much. I don’t know where they are now, but I hope someone loves them as much as me.
So Santa, since I could not keep my girls, because they were born into a world of ignorance, and they were ONLY guilty of being a certain breed, maybe when I get home you can surprise me with one of these. I promise I will be really really good. And I will try to keep my attitude under control. Please!!