Woo Hoo Another Monday… Well out here the days pretty much mirror themselves, so even a Friday feels like Monday. But it’s the start of a new week, which means I’m one day closer to leaving this place. The sun is out, but it is still pretty cool out. They say that it doesn’t even start getting cold & rainy until February. I am not looking forward to that.
My Horoscope: Dec 28th 2009
No one is going to be catering to your needs today, dear Pisces, so get up, and do things on your own. You will find that there is little sympathy coming from others and strong opinions are a dime a dozen. There is a great deal of gossip buzzing around in which you may be tempted to join. Don’t be an enabler of this sort of behavior. It is only going to alienate you from others in the long run.
I was talking to a friend of mine today and we got on the subject of my family, and siblings. I have one brother, we are not close at all, and really never have been. It’s a funny situation, but I can’t honestly say that I even love him. I’m not trying to be harsh, it’s just that we have never had that bond as brother and sister. Before I was born both my Mom and Brother were abused by my “Sperm Donor”. When I came into the world my Mom finally got the nerve to disappear with us, and she never looked back. The problem was that the “curse” had followed us, my brother was so used to the harsh treatment from the “Sperm donor” when he was little that he thought that was how you treated people. If I ever got in his way, like all little sisters do, he wouldn’t just yell at me or pull my hair, he would literally beat me to a pulp, from jumping on my stomach and knocking the wind out of me, to taking all my fingers and toes and pulling them so far apart that they would split and bleed, to kicking me in the back with all his might. He was always the biggest kid in his class, so he was pretty powerful, as for me, I have always been little. I never could understand why my brother hated me so much, or why I was constantly in his way even when I would make it a point to avoid him. I guess he resented me for not receiving the same abuse as Mom and him, either way he made up for it. Mom called it sibling rivalry, but then again, she was never one to see shit for what it really was, just like most battered women, she made excuses about why she was in the Hospital, or how she received a black eye. It wasn’t until I was well into highschool that she even talked about it with me. Mom got a job offer to move to D.C. when I was about 6, and I thank God everyday that she accepted it. This was my ticket to freedom from the angry kid I called my brother. He was initially supposed to move with us, but he wanted to finish school where he knew everyone, and was comfortable, so that’s exactly what he did. Now that I’m an adult, I understand what he went through, and why he acted in such a manner towards me, but, I just can’t bring myself to feel anything for him. In the past 5 years we have spoken maybe 5 times. I tried to contact him one year when I found his e-mail address, and I received a response about 6 months later, this has been the extent of our relationship. Seriously WTF? My family wants us to be closer, but I have gone long enough without him, and will continue to do so. He knows how to contact me. If he really wanted to have a relationship with me, he would have attempted it already.
My day is going by as slow as damn possible… Why Monday Why do you have to be like this. Can’t you surprise me, just once?
I was happy this morning, as I woke up in bed,
Then realized it was Monday and I faced the day with dread,
For somehow, whatever comes my way, my temper is displayed,
Just mentioning ‘it’s Monday’, my nerves, they become frayed.
The day will be just a ‘ write off’, it’s no good me trying to do
Any sort of reasonable job, things won’t go right. It’s true!
It’s like a ‘cloud’ which hangs around and never let’s you be,
Whatever I attempt to do, disaster follows me.
If I could sleep through Mondays, then that would be just bliss!
Then Mondays wouldn’t have happened, I’d have given them a miss!
© Ernestine Northover
I received 2 IM’s from Mr. P last night, which I ignored. Not an e-mail, not a phone call, just two IM’s because he knows I am mad. He said that he NEVER got my phone calls, but if that was true, I wouldn’t have received that e-mail that said ‘I’m Available” after the 1st time I called. I don’t know who he thinks he is fooling but, IT AINT ME!!!
DEC 28TH 2009 – Operation *F-OFF* – Day 2
I have nothing planned this evening, maybe I will go to the movies, maybe I will just watch 1 on my computer, who knows.