What the world really needs is more love and less paper work

Another week down means that I am one step closer to going home. I received the best surprise yesterday…. My Aunt sent me my favorite brownies of all time… No not the THC brownies, these were caramel, chocolate brownies. Yummmmmmy. Of course I was passing them around the office, I felt so special. Usually she will let me know if and when she send’s me anything, this was totally out of the blue. I love surprises.

Mr. P has another dentist appointment tomorrow. He wants to cancel it because he also has an airsoft tournament a few county’s over. His appointment is supposed to be at 1pm, and there is no way he will be able to get back in time. I suggested he make it for a later date, because Airsoft is one of the few positive things he does in life that he loves. Basically he has a team, and they play military. They have mission that they are required to accomplish, and they compete against other teams. I haven’t ever been to one of these events but, every time he comes home, he is in the best mood, he’s excited, and I love to hear him like that. I just talked to Mr. P and he is going to keep his dental appointment, I guess it’s better, because the only other time they offered him was in March. No thank you, get this taken care of NOW! He also has an appointment with a breeder of small dogs. I told him to look at her available puppies, and surprise me with whichever one he chooses. I am so excited, I haven’t even been on Craigslist or any of the classifieds because I think we will have a new baby tomorrow…

Work is really starting to get on my nerves. I have tomorrow off so I can’t wait. I’m going to do what I do best… watch movies, and chill out. I do need to wash my clothes also, but I can do that before my movie marathon starts.

My Horoscope for Today:

The future is unclear. That’s as it should be. Be open to the possibilities. Things are starting to get really interesting — but you need to keep from intervening unless you think someone’s about to get hurt. Now is not the time to influence events, it’s time to react to them.  All that hard work you’ve been doing lately? Believe it or not, even though they haven’t said anything yet, it hasn’t gone unnoticed in the eyes of the powers that be. In fact, you could be due for a raise, promotion or bonus. Better dress appropriately for work today. You’re about to have your fifteen minutes of fame, and you know you’ve earned it, so feel free to strut your stuff. And don’t forget to celebrate!

Of course the future is unclear… that’s the spice of life. This was a pretty interesting horoscope today. I wear a uniform to work, therefore I can’t necessarily “Dress for success”.. I have worked very hard, not only here at work but at home too. I would actually rather receive a promotion or be recognized at home for doing great things rather than here at work. I know it must sound silly but I really don’t think Mr. P realizes who he has in his corner.

 

Campaign Promises

A U.S. senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. “Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. ” There is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

You will spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

He goes down, down, down to hell and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. All his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

The senator then visits heaven, joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.

They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go

“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity,” says St. Peter

The senator reflects for a minute. “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”

He finds himself in the middle of a barren desert covered with waste and garbage, where all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

“I don’t understand,” stammers the senator. “

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted.”

5 Simply Ways To Treat Her Like A Queen

Once again, I have to give it up for Blogxilla.com for the following article:

ATTENTION MEN:

Every woman wants to feel special and what better way to make a woman feel special than treating her like a queen? Now you don’t have to drop rose pedals at her feet when she walks to make her feel like queen, but there are some things you MUST do in order to leave a woman feeling like a queen. So fellas here are some things women wish men did more.

  • Knowing when to say I love you. Saying I love you during the wrong time can really ruin any chance at true love. If he says it too early, it’s over. If he waits too long she may be loving someone else. And forgetting to say “I love you” during sex is completely against the rules.

  • Honesty is important to a queen. We have learned through fairy tales that you don’t lie to a queen or it’s off w/your head. One thing men must remember is that he shouldn’t lie to his queen. A woman needs an option and she must know the truth. Many times relationships end simply because the female feels like she must snoop, pry and poke to find out what exactly is going on because something isn’t right. Tell the truth and shame the devil.  

  • Queens bleed too, but they still are queens. When a woman is on her period rationale get thrown out the window. Aunt flow will have a man going to get olives and butter pecan ice cream at 3am while she lies on her fist because the cramps are unbearable. Not to mention that she can’t have sex, but she’s hornier than a two-headed deformed unicorn in heat. Translation: Don’t keep asking for oral sex every night.
  • Writers get the goods. Women like to know they are loved and queens love to know they are loved. So be sure to send an occasional email, or text message or post it note on the fridge every now and then.  

  • Eat her and then eat with her. Not all couples live together, even though it may seem like it. If a woman sleeps over not only should the guy spank her with his tongue he owes her a good meal. Make some pancakes, eggs and bacon and if he can’t cook the frozen kind will do. It’s truly the thought the counts, but if cooking is not your thing take her out. (source)

Bottom line is good sex can only get a guy so far while great sex will get him further, its knowing how to treat a queen that will have her going above and beyond for her king.

Guys, just because you have one, doesn’t mean you have to be one

 I’m still on my hunt for a new puppy. I know I should just try to find one when I get to my destination, but, I just can’t help myself. I am drawn to all these lil pups I see, and what happens if I stop my search, and the dog of my dreams get snatched up? I am looking for a mini/toy, male, black or blue (grey) puppy at an affordable price. I have contacted a few of the listings I have found, and either, they have been sold, or they are way to expensive, and yes, I am still getting a few scammers here and there but I just delete them now. 

 

WE SHOULD HAVE NOTICED:

IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!. I just never looked at it this way before:  MENtal illness 
MENstrual cramps 
MENtal breakdown 
MENopause 
GUYnecologist 
and when we have real trouble, it’s a…  HIStorectomy. 
Ever notice how all of women’s problems start with men? 

Mr. P found out that in order to transfer his job, he will have to enroll in school in the new area we are moving. for some reason the fact that me, his wife is being relocated doesn’t matter, according to the big-wigs in his company, there are only a few circumstances in his contract that will allow him to even attempt a transfer, and school is one of them, so he is in the process of finding a school now. He called yesterday and tried to bring up the last conversation we had, and I quickly shut it down. I told him that I am not mad, and I will not dwell on it. I am bound and determined to keep the peace, not for him, but for myself. I guess he is just so used to me being that “Bitch” that he has known so long, that he is being defensive and confrontational with anything we discuss. It’s all good, maybe he will eventually get the picture. If not, well, he will have a bumpy ride.  

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly…. 

Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It’s triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago. 

Good: Your wife’s not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She’s a lawyer. 

Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He’s involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you. 

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You’re in them. 

Good: The postman is early.
Bad: He’s wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas. 

 My Horoscope for Today:

Love is in the air! They can’t help but appreciate your individual beauty. It’s time to try something new — and with your great energy, you are sure to come up with something really cool! Your friends and family are likely to defer to your judgment if it becomes a conflict. Like everyone else, you’re feeling extravagant. You want to prove your feelings to someone you love in grand style. Well, that’s nice, and they’ll appreciate what you’re doing. But why not plan something that’s extravagantly sentimental and romantic, instead of simply extravagant? You don’t have to overspend on someone to get the point across. You’re the romance expert of the zodiac, capable of turning beer and pizza into a romantic epic. Go with your gut. When has it ever failed you? 

Since Valentines day is coming up, I thought I would send Mr. P some movies, and a hat that I got him. I cannot, and really should not be extravagant this time around. I am very romantic, but, it seems as though my efforts go un noticed, or maybe they are just not appreciated the way I expect. Maybe this time I won’t mention Valentines day, I will sit back and let him take charge. If this holiday turns out anything like last V day, then I won’t be surprised, and hopefully won’t get disappointed.  

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

Attention female readers! Are you sick and tired of those stupid old pick-up lines that men continue to use? Here are some great comebacks!

Man: “Haven’t we met before?”
Woman: “Perhaps. I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”
 

Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”

Man: “Is this seat empty?”
Woman: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”


Man: “So, wanna go back to my place ?”
Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?”

Man: “Your place or mine?”
Woman: “Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”
 

Man: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
Woman: “It’s in the phone book.”

Man: “But I don’t know your name.”
Woman: “That’s in the phone book too.”

Man: “So what do you do for a living?”
Woman: “I’m a female impersonator.”

Man: “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”
Woman: “Do not Enter”

Man: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
Woman: “Unfertilized !”

Man: “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason”
Woman: “Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!”

Man: “I know how to please a woman.”
Woman: “Then please leave me alone.”

Man: “I want to give myself to you.”
Woman: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”

Man: “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy:
Woman: “Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing”.


Man: “Your body is like a temple.”
Woman: “Sorry, there are no services today.”

Man: “I’d go through anything for you.”
Woman: “Good! Let’s start with your bank account.”

Man: “I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: “Yes, but would you stay there?
 

SUBJECT: Foul Language

TO: All Employees
FROM: Human Resources
SUBJECT: Foul Language
DATE: February 28, 2000

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals through out the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of “TRY SAYING” new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be shitting me!

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with …
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING: Of course I’m concerned.
INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a shit.

TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It’s not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won’t work.

TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn’t you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell cares?

TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.

TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I’m on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Blow me.

TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF: Another fucking meeting!

TRY SAYING: I don’t think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF: I really don’t give a shit.

TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He’s a prick.

TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She’s a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.

Thank You,
Human Resources

“You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.”

The 5 secrets to a great relationship

1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job.

2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man who is dependable, respectful and doesn’t lie.

4. It is important to find a man who’s good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.

5. It is important that these four men never meet.

Yesterday went well, until I decided to answer the phone when Mr. P called. The conversation was smooth until, I opened my fat mouth and decided to let Mr. P know about the letter I was writing to his company in response to the denial of the transfer he requested. In not so many words, he told me to back off, he said that he would handle it. It didn’t take me long to agree, as a matter of fact while I was on the phone with him, I deleted the letter, and told him that I wouldn’t butt in anymore. I said “You are a grown man, you can take care of your responsibilities”. I left it at that, and stated that I agreed with him.  The main reason why I even started the rebuttal was because he doesn’t like confrontation, he will complain all day about things but, when it’s time for the fight, he just sits there. He is the biggest procrastinator I have ever met. I was just trying to get a jump on the letter incase we would have to take it that far.

I guess trying to have his back was enough to fuel an argument, because the next thing out of his mouth was “They (His Job) don’t give a F–k where you work, or why we are moving”, okay fine, they don’t care, but MY job is what brings home the bacon. I won’t get into specifics because it’s just going to piss me off all over again, but I will tell you this went on for over an hour. I was trying to be cool, stay positive, and keep quiet, but, after he continued to bash my career over and over I had had enough.

MY job pays ALL the bills, My job makes it possible to have the *Nice-to-have* things in life, we have not only medical, but also dental benefits. All the while he is talking shit, he is reaping every single benefit provided by MY job. I have been out here 9 months now, away from my family, rent is paid, ALL  the bills are paid, and I still have money that I have been able to save for the things we want. That is thanks to MY job. He is so damned closed-minded that he cannot step back and look at this through any one elses perspective. I have had it with all the negative BS that he spits at me. If it wasn’t for my current job, I would probably have been lost in the shuffle of drugs and alcohol. I thought he was proud of me, but after last night, it makes me look at our relationship in a whole new light.

If it wasn’t for KG instant messaging me last night, I would have probably been up all night replaying the last two hours in my head. I told him what was going on, and pretty much just spilled my guts. I have other people I know that I could have spoken to, but, sometimes I would rather keep things to myself to avoid the inevitable questions that would follow. KG doesn’t know Mr. P, but he knows me, maybe not as well as he could but he and I speak about our relationships all the time. I guess you can say he is my confidant, he does not judge, and he gives me just enough of his two cents to make me know that I will be cool.

Speaking of cool…  I have kept my cool, and I intend to keep it. I have responded to only one of the many e-mails I have received this morning from my hubby, and my reply was simple: “I am at work…. when I said that I wanted you to take some time and think about things, I meant it. I’m still not happy about how everything transpired last night, and would rather not talk about specifics, but I suggest you replay a few things over in your head, and tell me … Was all that necessary? I’m gonna keep my contact with you to a minimum for a while because right now I am focused on keeping my outlook on life positive.”  Damn it feels good to be a gangsta!  lol, I don’t know why that popped in my head.

A WIFE’S LUCKY DAY

A man is in the locker room of a golf club. When a cell phone rings, he engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk….

MAN: “Hello”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes.”

WOMAN: I am at the mall and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s $1,000. Can I buy it?”

MAN: “OK, go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: How much?”

WOMAN: $60,000.

MAN: “For that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! One more thing. … The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re only asking $450,000.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and buy it but just offer $420,000.”

WOMAN: “OK. This is surely my luckiest day. I love you! Honey”

MAN: “Bye, I love you too.”

When he just hangs up, another man enters the locker room and  asks the first man, “Have you seen my cell phone?” 

My Horoscope For Today:

Once, everything was crystal clear. But now, the fog has obscured your view. You are feeling a bit tense over all the change and activity going on around you, but if you can find a safe haven, even for just a few minutes, you should be able to cope with it all. Close that door!  Oh, my. You’re definitely in the mood for romance — but not just romance. It’s time for passion of the most intense kind! And this is definitely a long-term proposition. You want depth, intensity and a real soul-sharing experience, and you won’t stop until you have it. The good news is that if anyone is capable of having it, it’s you. Get in touch with the person who can provide you with it.

I guess this is in reference to everything that has gone on lately. I don’t care what is thrown my way, whether it be my happiness, my education or my relationship, I have my goals set, and will not let anything stand in the way. My safe haven is this blog, it has been the best stress relief I have ever had. Romance? I don’t know if I’m necessarily in the “Mood” but what woman would ever deny it? I’ve tried to get through to the person who I thought was my soul mate. I think I’m having second thoughts. Mr. P was my first love, and he will be my last husband.

My next Husband will be a dog