50 Rules For Women To Live By (From the Men)* UPDATED *

36  50 RULES FOR WOMEN TO LIVE BY ( FROM MEN)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up, put it down.

2. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more
attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear
getting married is that married women always cut their hair,
and by then, you are stuck with her.

3. Don’t make us guess.

4. If you ask a question for which you don’t want an answer, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun
formation and monster trucks. 

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

9. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the seasons. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody’s idea of a good time. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to
think of it that way. 

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot, your exboyfriend is an idiot, and your Dad probably is too.

16. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious
hints do not work. Just say it! 

17. No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar and leave a note a week before on the bathroom mirror.

18. Share the bathroom.

19. Share the closet.

20. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

23. Check your own oil.

24. Don’t give us 50 rules when 25 will do.

25. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.

26. It is in neither your interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

27. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

28. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap-opera guys.

29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

30. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how much prettier you are?

31. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.

32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.

33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

34. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.

35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

36. When we’re turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the offramp, your saying, “This is our exit,” is not strictly necessary.

LIKE I SAID…. THIS IS BY MEN

STAY TUNED FOR THE 36 RULES FOR MEN TO LIVE BY

WRITTEN BY WOMEN

UPDATE: ( Yes there is more…)

37. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer. 

38. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! 

39. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks. 

40. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the  changing of the tides. Let it be. 

41. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to miss sometimes. 

42. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 

43. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 

44. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. 

45. If it itches, it will be scratched.

46. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. 

47. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 

48. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together. 

49. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. 

50. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.  

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1 Comment

  1. Most of that shiza is so true!!!


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