5 Secrets to Keep from Him

You tell your guy a ton, but it’s a myth that divulging every detail equals a healthier union. “Even though you’re part of a twosome, your relationship will thrive if you maintain a private side,” says Marti Olsen Laney, PsyD, coauthor of The Introvert and Extrovert in Love. “Plus, some things might hurt your partner, so keeping them quiet prevents needless stress on your bond.” Top relationship experts agree on the five most important secrets to keep from your guy.

Oversharing can actually hurt your bond. Here, what should stay on the down low.

1. Past Hookups
He knows you didn’t spend your days in a convent pre-him, but that doesn’t mean he wants mental images of you getting frisky with old flames. Men may ask about other dudes, but what they’re fishing to hear is that they’re the best. Avoid lying by not answering questions about your sexual past. When he does dig, tell him he’s the only one you can think about in bed.

2. How You Spend Your Money
As long as you don’t share funds, your boyfriend doesn’t need to know where your dough goes. It stresses out guys to see you buy things they deem unnecessary — like clothes or shoes. The quick fix: When he compliments a dress, don’t give him the rundown on where you got it and how much it cost. And if he asks, tell him it was waaay less than the big-screen TV he splurged on.

3. The Way You Feel About His Family
Warning: Dissing his clan will do damage to your relationship. So even if his mom is Queen Bitch, keep your mouth shut. The minute you say something slightly negative, he will feel like you’re making him choose between you and them and resent you for it. If they’re truly awful, avoid being around them whenever you can.

4. Innocent Flirtations
You love your guy, but that doesn’t mean you can’t chat up other men. In fact, being flirty is healthy as long as it doesn’t go further. It may be tempting to brag that you still get male attention, especially if you feel your guy takes you for granted, but telling him about the neighbor who checks out your ass is just going to make him feel insecure. Keep quiet, and take pleasure in the fact that you’ve still got it going on.

5. What You Really Think of His Gift
You’re bound to get a few doozies from your guy. Instead of slamming him, find one good thing about each present. Men aren’t superexpressive, so a gift is their way of saying they care. If you reject it, you reject him. Next time, drop hints so he gets you something you like — for example, mention a store you love. (COSMO)


SUCKS TO BE… Ron Sterr

Once upon a time, Principal Ron Sterr of Litchfield Elementary School in Arizona wrote a very funny letter as a joke. A joke that was supposed to be kept a secret. A joke that no-one other than his friends at work were supposed to know about. Then one day, someone who didn’t like Principal Sterr very much decided to be a big meanie and send the funny letter home to the school children’s parents, who didn’t find the letter very funny at all.

The lesson of this story, kids: Never pass a note that you don’t want everyone to see. Because now, instead of being the boss of Litchfield Elementary, Principal Sterr will be wearing a shirt with “Ron” stitched on it while digging SpongeBob toys out of the lavatory urinals.

The actual letter, which in our opinion, should earn Principal Sterr a huge promotion:


Sex with a New Guy

It’s exciting yet awkward — you’re figuring out a foreign body, and he has no clue what you like. To make your first hookup worth remembering, follow four simple rules.

You’re dating a guy, and the make-out sessions have been so hot, you’ve practically dry humped holes into each other’s jeans. With all that chemistry, the sex has to be off the hook from the start, right? Ehhh.

“Getting intimate with a new person can be clumsy,” says Chris Fariello, PhD, director of the Institute for Sex Therapy, in Philadelphia. You aren’t completely comfortable with each other yet. Plus, there’s so much at stake the first time — if the sex is bad, you could second-guess the budding relationship. These four rules will make it completely enjoyable.

Rule 1: Don’t Jump the Gun

There’s no doubt been so much buildup to this moment that you’re tempted to skip foreplay and launch right into the part where you insert tab A into slot B. But that’s a rookie mistake.

“Really, the first night with someone is when you should be taking your time,” says sex educator Jamye Waxman, author of Getting Off. “Your goal should be to pay close attention to what works and what doesn’t for the other person. That way, you can please them right from the start.”

So keep things slow and steamy from the get-go. During foreplay, any time his hands start to wander too daringly or it seems like he’s going to try to go for the main event, grab his wrists and hold them tight. Then give him a long, drawn-out kiss.

“Most men love it when a woman does something aggressive like this because it helps them understand what she wants,” says Carole Altman, PhD, author of You Can Be Your Own Sex Therapist. “The back-and-forth between heavy petting and kissing will make sure things stay well-paced.”

Rule 2: Acknowledge Awkward Moments

Of course we all want to be thought of as a goddess in the sack, so the instinct is to ignore any gawky moments and pray on the kama sutra that he will too. But things will go much more smoothly if you do the opposite.

“Being with someone new is stressful enough because you’re worried about what he’ll think of your body and if he’ll like what you’re doing,” says Altman. “And if you don’t accept the natural mishaps that are bound to happen, they’ll silently taint the experience.”

To rescue the mood, you need to acknowledge these slips subtly in a way that suits the kind of sex you’re having. If you’re both being playful, maintain that attitude — meaning, if he can’t seem to get your bra unhooked, don’t sit there as he gets frustrated. Give him a smile and say “Let me try. I know the trick with this.”

Or if the mood is more intense, find a way to keep that vibe intact. If you accidentally knock heads, turn your attention to that area by passionately kissing his forehead and face.

Rule 3: Say Something Nice

It’s a myth that guys are worried about only their own pleasure. In fact, most dudes have a harder time enjoying themselves when they’re unsure if their partner is having a good time. “Part of what keeps him turned on is knowing you’re feeling turned on,” says Altman.

And since you’re new to him, he doesn’t know all your little inaudible signs that you like what he’s doing. So it’s crucial that you tell him.

Just be sure you praise something that really does feel good because he’ll file away whatever you say and often incorporate it into future sex sessions (and for God’s sake, don’t fake any pleasure where there is none. Backtracking from that is not easy). If he’s awesome at oral, a simple “That feels so good” in a seductive voice will encourage him. Or if your style is more cute, go with “Wow, your tongue should enter the Olympics.” By being vocal about what feels amazing, you keep the steamy momentum at present plus help him learn what you like.

Rule 4: Hold Back from Getting Crazy Acrobatic

You may have the urge to pull out all your wild sex tricks to show him you know how to get it on, but the first time isn’t the right time.

“You don’t want to be experimenting with a complicated position or trying tricky tantric maneuvers the first night. There’s a good chance you’ll get frustrated if they don’t work due to your unfamiliarity with each other’s movements or become so caught up in showing off your skills that you won’t be able to pause and enjoy what’s actually happening,” says Waxman. “Those should be saved for later, when you understand what each other needs to orgasm.”

Stick with positions that are familiar, feel awesome, and don’t require any crazy-ass acrobatics. Then if you want to spice things up, try one little tweak, like touching yourself while he watches. This way, you won’t feel boring, says Waxman, but it is risk-free and lets him know there’s a whole lot more where that came from in the future. (COSMO)