Awful People Who Got What Was Coming to Them

1. Carl ‘Alfalfa’ Switzer

Yes, that would be Alfalfa from the Little Rascals. Turns out, off-key singing and bad hair were not his only crimes against humanity.

As a kid, he was little bastard, pulling pranks on other little rascals cast members; He once put fishing hooks in Spanky’s pants, resulting in cuts so bad that poor Spanky needed stitches. He convinced Darla to put her hand in his pocket, telling her he had a ring in it for her. Take a guess as to what it was. Did you think “his penis”? I did too. Nope, Alfalfa wasn’t a pervert, he was a sick asshole. It was switch blade, and Darla nearly lost a finger because of it. When The Little Rascals series was sold to MGM, he got even worse. During a filming break, he pissed on the set’s lights. When they turned them back on, the smell made by super heated urine was so intense they had to stop filming for the day.

He didn’t die with his childhood, though. He got married, but that only lasted 4 months. He got shot while getting into his car once; they don’t know why, and while getting shot isn’t in and of itself a s***y thing, his track record suggests he didn’t buy the guy flowers and the dud just f****g snapped…

He also cut down 15 trees in Sequoia National Park. About national parks, they say “Take only pictures and leave only footprints.” Alfalfa said “F**k you, I’m taking 15 trees”.

In 1959, Alfalfa got drunk and decided that a guy he knew named Bud Stiltz owed him 50 bucks. Apparently, Alfalfa borrowed a dog from the guy, then lost it. He paid the Bud $35 and bought him $15 worth of drinks at a bar, to make up for it, but guess what? They found the dog. So he decided Bud owed him the 50 he had paid him. Never mind the whole ordeal was his fault, and it’s a pretty bulls**t move to buy someone drinks, THEN tell them they owe you for it. A scuffle ensued, wherein Alfalfa and his friend beat up Bud, who took a glass dome clock to the head, leading him to get his gun. Alfalfa grabbed the gun, which he almost got away from the guy (which is a bad-ass check in Alfalfa’s book) , and forced Bud back into a closet (check number 2), but when he pulled a switch blade (we don’t know if this is the same one he used to carve off Darla’s finger) and told Bud he was going to kill him, Bud apparently had enough and shot him. In the groin.

No doubt, Spanky got some cosmic joy out of the whole thing, because Alfalfa died of internal bleeding from a nut-shot on the way to the hospital.

 

 

2. Jeffery Dahmer

This one is pretty well-known, but for the three of you that don’t know who he is:

Jeffery Dahmer is most famous for being the guy who killed and ate 17 people in the early 90s. He trolled bars, looking to pick up guys and take them home, where he would drug them, screw them, kill them, screw them some more, then eat them. One can assume that with that track record, he probably then screwed them some more.

But he didn’t just grow up to be an asshole; like Alfalfa, he was a di*k early on, too. As a kid he would kill and dissect animals. He stuck a dog head on a stick out in the woods in a very Lord of the Flies fashion for anyone who happened by.

He was a chronic alcoholic by the time he was a teenager, tough that isn’t in and of itself an asshole move, but it’s a pretty good indicator. He was forced to enlist in the army by his dad, but they didn’t want him because he drank too much so he was kicked out after 2 years.

Then for a while he busied himself with showing his junk to kids and trying to fondle them, which resulted in some jail time. When that wasn’t enough, he began killing and eating people.

In some cases, he tried drilling holes in their heads while they were still alive and poured acid in the holes to try to make them zombie love slaves. But damn it all if they didn’t just keep dying. So he ate them. Apparently, he was lonely. That was the root of it all; he couldn’t relate to people, and kids wouldn’t let him feel them up, so he decided the best way to maintain a relationship would be to lobotomize people so they would presumably have a hard time finding the door.

Since being a “Drunk ex-army guy” didn’t qualify him to perform medical procedures on people, and he wound up killing all of them, he just decided to eat them so they would always be a part of him. Imagine the heartbreak every time he took a dump.

Most of his victims were grown men that should have taken one look at his mustache and told him to f**k off, but in one case he killed a 14-year-old kid, who happened to be the younger brother of one of the kids he’d felt up. All told, he’d killed 17 people, and the cops found partial bodies, heads, and skulls in the closet, as well as 3 penises in the fridge. He was eventually caught, and imprisoned, where there were some attempts made to kill him.

A guy named Jesse Anderson apparently decided that attempting to kill Jeff wasn’t good enough. Showing the kind of gusto that makes people say “If you want something done well, do it yourself”, he took the bar from a weight machine and proceeded to show Jeffery Dahmer that if he swung hard enough, he could hit the floor with it, despite Jeff’s head being in the way. We don’t know if they actually discussed this point, but he proved it anyway. Jeff died on the way to the hospital.

3. Elizabeth Bathory

Men aren’t the only people in the world sick enough to actually deserve an awful end. Anyone who has ever played Vampire: The Masquerade or has googled “female serial killer” has probably heard of Countess Bathory. She was a noble in Eastern Europe in the 16th century. She actually started off pretty normal for a noble of the time. She was well-educated, was married to a powerful man, and had several kids.

She helped several women during the wars being fought with the Ottoman empire, even helping out a peasant woman and her daughter who had been raped and impregnated.

After her husband died in 1604 (they had been married for 29 years), rumors started to fly about some shady goings-on at Bathory’s place; namely that she hired peasant girls to work for kick-ass rates and then murdered them, bled them, and bathed in their blood. Apparently simply killing and draining them was not enough; they had to be tortured and starved first. Since there are no legends that torture blood is more effective at keeping you young than just any old blood, I can only assume that in addition to being evil, Bathory was just a bit*h.

In all she was rumored to have killed over 600 girls from the 17 surrounding villages. The general lack of milk cartons at the time probably made it easy for Bathory, since it was unlikely that all of the villages were going to get together one day and in conversation say “Wait, all of your daughters are disappearing, too?”

6 years later, she was officially arrested along with 4 servants who had helped her. Supposedly, all the bleeding and bathing was done in an attempt to remain youthful forever, and possibly to see if Bath and Body Works products could cover the scent of death. (They couldn’t)

The 4 servants were immediately put to death (they were all found guilty, though, so don’t feel bad), and the countess herself was walled up in her basement as her punishment. She lasted 4 years, presumably bathing in her own waste by then. (Source)

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Best Signs Ever Made by the Homeless

I know we have all seen the creative signs made by homeless people. Here is a collection of some pretty good ones…

  

 (SMOSH)

Ladies:Give Him A Show..

 It is no secret that men are visual beings -this is fact- but let’s not ignore the depth of the sense. Although they are ones for being visually stimulated, it’s not just a flat, two-dimensional, paper doll kind of woman who allures them. For example, men can see a woman who is flawlessly beautiful, marvel for a moment and quickly decide that she would bore him. Men want to see the beast behind the beauty. They want to see some edge … the woman that’s outwardly sophisticated but oozes sex appeal. Now they know there’s more to the ‘look’ and would love to peel through the layers to expose the vixen within! See the dynamic? A man’s mind will go 8,000 places visualizing, not only, the things he wants to do to you but what you’ll do to him! So you have to keep it hot, unconventional and most of all, keep him guessing! Switch it up! Be his sexual servant one night and own his a*s the next!

Something to Remember – let him watch you dress before work in the morning, before an evening event or before a date. Lay your clothes out on the bed and make sure the bra and panties are sexy and match. Lacy thigh high stockings are also a plus. Once you’re showered take your time to lotion your body. You know he’s going to stare so stare back! Don’t bust up the moment with words or asking “what?” He’s watching, that’s what you want him to do. Pose in the mirror in your underwear, slowly and gently work those thigh highs up your legs. While he’s loving watching you dress, it’ll be all he can think about until he gets to undress you!

Keep a Secret – try this for kicks and giggles! Go to your novelty shop and grab a set of vibrating panties that come with a remote. The next time you go out with your man, throw them on and hand him the remote. They’re pocket-sized so he can do all the vibe and speed adjusting with a push of a button from his pocket. He’ll get a *ahem* rise out of being in control of your erogenous excitement and watching your reactions.

All Lights On – this is that night where you put your hair in a sexy up-do and throw some make up on. Keep it natural though, eyeliner, mascara and gloss. Grab him up and show him to the bedroom. Maybe keep the work clothes on or strip down to your underwear. Sit on the edge of the bed, spread your legs and pull him close to you by his belt loops. Unbutton, unzip and drop his pants. But here’s the deal, it’s all about the eye contact! Keep your eyes on him while you orally pleasure him. It’s all about the show and he loves to watch you so be enthusiastic.

Get Cleaned Up – invite him to watch and help you shower. *Again detail: take some time to shave and groom yourself before you invite him in on the fun. Shout for him to bring you a washcloth or your loofah that you can’t reach … whatever you need to do to get him in. He’ll be surprised to find you with the curtain/door pulled and a naked, wet and soapy you standing there lathering your body. Turn around and ask him to wash your back. Don’t be shocked if he decides to strip down and join you!

Get Off – this take some gonads, ladies. The element of surprise is always arousing. Catch him off guard the moment you walk through the door – give him a sweet, seducing glance, kick off your shoes and make your way towards the bedroom stripping your clothes off on your way. Trust and believe he’ll be curious enough to follow you. Get naked, lay across the bed and pleasure yourself. The mere fact that you had the guts to masturbate in front of him will have him wanting to watch. Since you’ve got his attention invite him to join you!

Okay ladies, these are very basic examples but you catch the drift! Men can visualize, very vividly, the fantasies they have featuring their woman! All you have to do is bring it to life! Have fun, be creative and, most of all, be daring! It’s healthy to step outside yourself a time or two!

P.S. you can never be too abstract when you’re conjuring up ways to capture his unwavering attention so don’t be shy! Also, use your attention to detail to give things that little bit of something extra. (BOSSIP)

OUCH!!!! Grill Ripped Out Of Man’s Mouth While In Jail

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — When a Tennessee jailer ripped the gold grill from a new inmate’s teeth two days before Thanksgiving last year, it left the 31-year-old man in excruciating pain and left taxpayers on the hook for nearly $100,000 in damages.

It happened Nov. 24, a day after McCoy was admitted to the Metro Jail on charges of contempt of court for failure to pay child support, two counts of violation of an order of protection and harassment. When a guard asked McCoy to remove his grill while he was being processed in the jail, he said it was permanently cemented to his teeth years earlier.

Anthony McCoy spat out blood and teeth in a trash can and was in agony for more than a week after Davidson County Sheriff’s Lt. Tanya Mayhew reached into his mouth and yanked out the grill, along with the cement attached to his teeth, said his lawyer, David Raybin. The forced extraction pulled the enamel off McCoy’s front teeth and left him with a damaged mouth that still isn’t fixed, Raybin said.

 

“There was no urgency at all,” Raybin said of the Metro Jail officials and Correct Care Solutions, the company that Nashville contracts with to provide inmate medical care. “This guy was in agony for over a week and a half.” The inmate’s claim is based on pain and suffering, as well as the dental damage. CCS has agreed to pay $20,000 because of the “unwarranted delay” in receiving treatment, the Metro Council’s legal analysis says. It also says Mayhew broke sheriff’s office policy by reaching into the inmate’s mouth. The paperwork also acknowledges that McCoy waited 10 days before ever receiving medical treatment beyond Tylenol, in spite of repeated pleas for help. Nashville Metro Council on Tuesday approved a $95,000 settlement to avoid a lawsuit.

The lieutenant who pulled out the grill was demoted and received five days suspension. McCoy was later convicted on the harassment charges and released from jail on Feb. 2. (Huffington Post)