When a girl marries, she exchanges the attention of many men for the inattention of one.

 I will be leaving for a little trip this week. It is a much-needed break from reality, better known as “7-Day work weeks“. I will be visiting the Persian Gulf. I have been there before, but I’m never one to give up any chance to travel. I will not be bringing my computer, therefore I won’t be able to update this site. I hope that I will come back, refreshed, with many new adventures to tell about. I will scribble down notes at the end of the day, and when I get back I will fill you all in.

The last time I talked to my Mr. P was on Saturday. I hung up on him, and don’t plan on speaking to him until I return from this trip. I have a lot to think about, and I don’t need him to try to influence my decisions. He may say that I’m “trippin'” or even that I’m “Crazy” but if refusing to settle for anymore bullsh*t is considered “trippin’ or crazy” then that’s exactly what I am. I don’t want him to tell me he is sorry, I want him to Man-up, and take care of his responsibilities. After 11 months of this behavior, I can pretty much call what I want a pipe dream. He is so comfortable the way things are that he has taken me for granted and doesn’t appreciate the life I have made for us.

I’ll be going back to the states in a little over a month, and the homecoming seems a little bitter-sweet. Mr. P and I are not on the best of terms, and as of now I can’t predict our future. If you have been reading past posts I might seem a little bi-polar (as he calls me), one day I will singing on the mountain tops and the next I will be plotting revenge.  I will be the first to admit it, my emotions are far from consistent, but every action has a reaction. I’ve learned I can only depend on ME.

 I love this man with all my heart, but I can’t bare to let him use me any longer. I have been lied to, I have been disrespected, and I have been ignored, none of which I deserve. There is only so much that a woman can take before she explodes. The battle between my heart and my brain will have to come to an end very soon. I know what I need to do, and I know what I want to do, either way the outcome will hurt.  Our one year anniversary is next month, and whoever said the first year of marriage is the easiest has never walked in my shoes. My trust in my husband has been shot, I can’t rely on him for much. The surprises that every woman loves so much is non-existent in this relationship. HONESTY and  MONEY are the two biggest disappointments I have been faced with, and honestly, if I didn’t have the little bit I do, I don’t think that he would still be around. I have asked for the bare minimum and in turn have received even less than that. Some might think that I have low self-esteem, or I depend on a man, that’s NOT at all the case. I have made it this far in a semi-succesful blue-collar job, I have everything I have because of ME. NOT a man. NOT once have I ever expected or insisted on a man buying my affection. Under NO circumstances do I have one gold-digging bone in my body. I was under the impression that if I could share my wealth with someone I love they would return the favor. When I say that, I’m not meaning go out and spend a million dollars on me, but treat me like I’m worth that much. The never-ending arguments have had a horrible effect on my health and my heart. He may not initiate the conversation that triggers these arguments but his actions have been the topic of discussion when all hell breaks loose. I am a good woman, I am great wife, and I spoil those I love even when they don’t deserve it.

Treat others the way you want to be treated”  – That phrase has always stuck in my head, and the 33 years that I have been alive, I have yet to find my match when it comes to treating people in such a manner. I never expected to be married to my highschool sweetheart, and I never expected to give up every ounce of dignity I had in order to make his life better.  I would like to know what in the world I have done in my life to deserve to be treated like just another jump-off. I’m no ones fool, and I know that there has been many things go down back at home involving my husband that he will take to his grave. Some things are better left unsaid, but I would rather hear the facts from him instead of reading them or hearing them from someone else. If love and nurturing don’t come natural for people, who am I to force those feelings? I have no right to demand someones love and respect, but I have every right to receive it.

A Man Is A Luxury – Not A Necessity 

I do not need
A _ _ _ _ing man
I’ll get one later
If I can.

I do not need
A man at all
I do not need one,
Short or tall.

Not in a house,
Not in a van,
I do not need
A _ _ _ _ing man.

Not on the couch
Not in my bed
I’d rather sleep
Alone instead

I do not need
One here or there
I do not need
One anywhere

I do not need
A_ _ _ _ing man
There must be
A better plan

Not one at work
Not one at play
I do not need one
Night or day

I’ve said it once
I’ve said it twice
A world without them
Could be nice

Black men, white men,
Men in blue
I am through with
All of you

Even though they
Make me drool
I’m not a fan of
The dating pool

I would not could not
Be a fool
Even for the
Biggest tool.

Now thanks to
My new vibrator
You _ _ _ _ing man
I’ll see you later.

I’ll try my hardest
Not to care
Even if he stands
There bare!!

My Horoscope for Today:

Ready for some deep thought? Seek out like-minded people for tag-team introspection. Financial obligations are weighing on you, but they are totally manageable. You should be able to get your creditors to relax or give you extra time — or even find a new way to make payments.

At the moment, you most value cooperation, compromise, balance and harmony — but none of those things will be especially easy to pull off if you’re not in the right company. You can certainly call upon your talents and assist others in smoothing things over, but don’t feel obligated to put yourself in the line of fire to do it. If you really want to help, you can only get so involved.